The season finale of American Horror Story aired last night. As a long time viewer of the show, I'm not sure what I just watched. Lots of bloodshed, very little justice. Spoilers (with commentary!) below.
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The episode opens with Paul the Seal Boy, Penny the Lizard Girl, and Amazon Eve hanging a new banner for Dandy's show. Who paints these things? They're a fast worker. Anyway, the group all decide that they hate Dandy but will continue to work with him because he has so much money.
Like, so much.
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From here on, it's all downhill.
That lasts for maybe five minutes as the next scene they all rebel and quit their jobs. Dandy does not like this. Because nobody puts Dandy in the corner.
We cut to Elsa who is in Hollywood. She's waiting for Mr. Gable, head of the studio, but since she doesn't have an appointment, the secretary will not allow her to be seen. When Elsa is insulted, she flips out and slaps the secretary.
Not to worry though because David Burtka comes to the rescue! As Michael Burke, Jr Vice President of Casting. How lucky for her. He picks a sobbing Elsa off the floor and carries her into the back.
Back to Dandy. Who now has a gun. After a season of murdering people in sadistic ways and bathing in blood, he's just going to shoot everyone. I do mean everyone.
Seal Boy is the first to get it, right in the head, then Lizard Girl (so long, we barely knew you. Seriously, you were in like two episodes?) followed by every other freak and even the stage hands. Dandy doesn't play.
It was a strange scene. I swore it was a dream (it was not). He's walking through camp killing people and literally no one is running out of the camp. Seems like that would have been different.
He goes to get Desiree but she's hiding in her closet. While he's looking for her, Amazon Eve attacks Dandy. You think she'll get the better of him but no, no. Shoots her. Desiree takes that moment to make good her escape. Survivor.
Turns out Dandy has the twins, Bette and Dot all tied up. He doesn't kill them.
Jimmy wonders back to camp, new wooden hands attached. He's looking much better. Less like he's dying. Which is good, he'll need all of his strength because Dandy has left the freaks artfully posed for someone to find.
That's the Dandy we've all grown to know. Jimmy has his "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" moment. Desiree finds him and they have a good cry over it.
We get another jump in time (no actual indication of how long. This whole thing feels like a dream sequence. It is not) and we're all cordially invited to the Bette/Dot/Dandy wedding.
It's a small ceremony. Because the groom keeps killing everyone.
Dandy makes some creepy remarks about sleeping with both girls and then it's time for the reception dinner.
Dandy drinks the champagne and starts feeling woozy. Oh no, it's a trap! Turns out the maid has been Desiree all along. Really, Dandy should start paying more attention to the help. The butler is Jimmy. At this point Dandy, your own affluenza has been your downfall.
The freaks lock him in Houdini's escape tank in nothing but his undies (yay! Because that boy is beautiful) and fill it with water to watch him drown.
That was it. That's how they killed Dandy. That's the whole thing.
Now it's 1960 and we're back with Elsa She's married Michael and we learn that their relationship is built on her ability to really whip a man into shape.
They're filming a commercial and she clearly hates him. But he made her star! He's pushing for her to perform on Halloween which we all know leads to Edward Mordake to come for you. With his green smoke and special freaks.
She declines to do the show.
She has lunch with Massimo who has come to tell her that he's dying of cancer. Two seconds after she decides to run away from him. Unrequited love. Sad face.
The bad day isn't over yet. Her husband comes home with Mr. Gable to reveal that they've found her almost snuff tape and it will be released to the public, ending her career. And if that wasn't terrible enough, they also found the mass grave in Jupiter where all her little monsters ended up.
She decides to do the Halloween show.
Desiree sees her on TV as she is walking with her new family. Jimmy, Bette and Dot also see her, they're a couple and they're having a baby. Pepper probably doesn't see her because she's in the nut house and Sister Jude doesn't let them watch TV.
Right on schedule Mordake shows up. She's tragic enough to take now and he does kill her but tells her that she doesn't belong with them.
Instead she walks back into her old freak show and look! Everyone is alive! Turns out even if you're an awful person who does awful things, if you're a star, everyone will love you anyway. That's some good social commentary right there.
End scene. No divine retribution and everyone had just a nice happy ending. Even Elsa. What a weird way to end things.
