Dear Mr. Xur, Agent of the Nine,
It's our duty as Guardians to fight back The Darkness, to defeat the enemies that have invaded our planet and the worlds beyond. They're strong and often terrifying, and our arsenals are the main line of defense for the last freehold on Earth.
I know you have a bottom line to look after, Mr. Xur, but your selfishness and greed are putting us all at risk. Why would you bother selling us No Land Beyond this weekend--and not for the first time? Are you hoping to prey on new Guardians, ignorant to its utter uselessness? Are you an agent of The Darkness yourself, eating away at our Light through these get-rich-quick scams? Veteran Guardians are only going to turn away from your weekly offerings in disgust if these poor choices continue, and then neither of us will benefit. Bring better gear--help us help you.
Look, I like you. As far as I can tell, you're an honest (though, frankly, creepy) merchant trying to make a living in this crazy world. You've done a lot for us, and some might say they love you for it. Supply and demand, revenues--all of that business jargon influences your product, I'm sure. But where's Gjallarhorn? Placating us with Ice Breakers was a smart gesture, but we're hip to your scheme. Keep us coming back, checking every week in hope of seeing that sweet, sweet weapon. Maybe you take a loss on every Gjallarhorn sold, and don't want to hurt your profits--I would still urge you to reconsider. Customer satisfaction and loyalty go a long way, and a short term loss could lead to a long term profit and expanded consumer base. It's just smart business!
Help us take back our solar system, Mr. Xur. Have a heart. Sell us a damn Gjallarhorn next week, and please don't make us think about No Land Beyond ever again.
Yours Truly,
A Concerned Guardian, Level 32
