In a 5 to 4 decision, the U.S. Supreme Court uphelpd President Obama's health care reform earlier today. While everyone is racing to tell the story, from CNN jumping the gun to people threatening to leave for Canada--who may not be aware of their own socialized health plan, but hey. The decision to keep the health care law may effect how we go about the fabled "IRL," but what about in-game universes where health care plans revolve around mushrooms, hearts in jars and sucking pack enough pills to make all the redness go away. How would this ever effect the world of Kratos and Mario? Good question! Let's explore the controversial video game health care plans we've seen in modern gaming.
The Mandatory Mushroom/Star Plan
Passed in the mid-80s under the mandate of the Mushroom Kingdom, all residents were required to ingest mushrooms, both red and green, for all health purposes. Stars were an optional treatment technique, known for causing audatory haluncinations and flashing colors for the patients. The reform was strongly contested by members of the Bowser/King Koopa party, who argued such a reform was detrimental to their own health plan, which involved walking in straight lines into things before being bounced back.
The Mushroom Kingdom plan, however, would not be free and required patients to run around and break open floating brick squares. Complained one recent immigrant from New York, "Issa me, Mario!" He then leapt up and smashed a block, which produced a single gold coin. "Aiyayayayayayayaya," said Mario Mario, local plumber and ne'er-do-well according to the B/KK party.
The Mushroom Kingdom would explore different plans over the years including water guns, collecting hearts and going as far as stardust. But it would be the Mushroom Plan would persist and is currently still accepted.
The Hyrule Heart System
One of the more extreme programs could be found in Hyrule, where health care was traditionally based around green, blue and red potions. However a local lobbyist presented his radical idea: smashing clay pots to find beating hearts and fairy folk, whom he'd capture in glass jars. The Hyrule Kingdom would turn a blind eye to this practice, which was solely practiced by the young boy while others continued to use potion, soups and food. The lobbyist was also notorious for attacking chickens and cutting down bushes, trees and occasionally rocks depending on the type of sword and materials he carried.
Hyrule unofficially accepted the Heart System over the years, while potion usage fell behind. Depending on the date, or alternate universe, the capture of random hearts from living creatures is almost totally accepted in the land.
The Grecian Orb Project The preferred health plan of the Gods involved brutally slaughtering all creatures in order to suck them dry of red orbs and populate areas with glowing chests that may contain green or blue orbs depending on the moment. This plan repeatedly came up in debates and public discussions, but would always be interupted by minotaurs, Titans, Gods, an albino Spartan and whatever apocalyptic event happened to occur that day.
Suffice to say the measure was never able to be put to a vote.
The Call of Health Care The Gotham Plan Compared to these, Obamacare doesn't sound so bad.
One of the more questionable health care plans enforced by various armed forces starting in the 1920s. Soldiers were told to simply duck and find cover if the world looked like it was turning red. After a few minutes, their wounds would be mysteriously healed, yet approaching enemies could easily be dispatched with a headshot or well-timed grenade. It became an unexplainable phenomina as certain soldiers would always survive, while others seemed if they were sacrificing themselves or happened to sound like known Hollywood actors.
Honestly, this seems like the health plan that has the most problems. Gotham City passed a series of laws encouraging citizens to beat up other citizens in a flurry of intricate combos, blocks and reversals in order to string together fights which would mysteriously recover any lost healthy or stamina. While most citizens continued to have audible protests against it, it seems most of Gotham City are either in jail, mental institutions or the refurbished "Arkham City" section. The last few remaining eligable voters are one Jim Gordon, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Alfred Pennyworth and Dr. Hugo Strange who continually vote in favor of this plan.