An internet scoop! Rebel forces have managed to secret away the plans to JJ Abrams' new superweapon called Star Wars: Episode VII and are now plotting to dismantle the mystery box before it has a chance to claim any more victims.
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Hardcore New York City punk rocker/movie reporter Devin Faraci over at Badass Digest claims to have the exclusive skinny on the general plot for Star Wars: Episode VII. There's enough mirroring and "clever twists" on an old trope in there that it seems pretty legit as being a JJ Abrams plot. So what do we know?
Instead of the traditional Star Wars opening shot where the first thing you see is a ship approaching a planet or a space station after the text crawl, we see a severed hand clutching a lightsaber hurtling through space, ultimately landing on a desert planet, where it is found by the film's two heroes: Daisy Ridley and John Boyega (the latter playing an ex-stormtrooper). I find the fact that Ridley and Boyega are confirmed to be the central heroes a big relief. Get to diversifyin', SW!
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Boyega and Ridley (I hope they get to keep their accents) recognize the lightsaber as a Jedi thing and decide to bring it to the proper authorities. Faraci describes Boyega's character as "someone who's trying to change his path in life", so I'm guessing they're not doing it for the reward money.
They manage to meet up with Han and Chewie (who are not flying the Falcon anymore!) who recognize the lightsaber as Luke Skywalker's. Interestingly, they haven't seen Luke in 30 years - ever since the end of Return of the Jedi. Thus begins a quest to find the missing Luke Skywalker.
On the villain front: some evil dudes are building a super weapon on an ice planet capable of destroying not planets but omg whole star systems!
Most importantly, Faraci says "I'm hearing extremely positive things about the action, and very, very good things about the characters themselves and the way the actors are bringing them to life. Again and again I'm hearing that John Boyega owns this movie."
Trying not to get psyched here, but...